Last night I had a travel experience that was less than
spectacular. A peaceful train ride, and dinner with my Chinese taiji family
slowly devolved into a potential "Hostel" remake. After a perfect dinner, I assured
my Chinese friends that I knew Nanjing well enough, and could find the hotel by
myself. I showed them the address that Expedia provided, all agreed it was an
easy walk, and we went in opposite directions. I have walked this street
dozens of times, but as I got to the intersection where Expedia thought the
hotel would be, I realized that something was off in the street numbers. I
asked a few people, including a concierge at another hotel, and they all
pointed me in different directions.
Thankfully I found a Starbucks, and though it was closed, I stood close enough to borrow their wifi. Of course, the Expedia messenger
and map crashed because they are powered by Google. No Google in China... Even with the VPN I
couldn’t get more info. I started off in what I thought would be the right
direction judging by the street numbers. I couldn’t really hail a
taxi because the numbers kept jumping, and for what it’s worth, I only had the
address in English, and taxi drivers in China never speak English. I finally
found the right block after about an hour’s walk (literally across town), and there
were 2 hotels at the same address, neither of which accepted foreigners, or knew
what Expedia was. No one at either hotel knew of the other, or the place I was looking for.
I went into a lobby at the next building which finally
matched the picture from the website, but it was not a hotel, at all. It was
some strange gym, office building, karaoke bar, and a few other “interesting”
businesses. The security guards, and a very nice Australian guy who was fluent
in Mandarin, had no idea what hotel I was looking for. So I wandered a bit asking everyone I could find.
Tired, really sweaty and
frustrated, I walked back to the Sofitel I had passed earlier (and a place I had stayed many times in the past). I hobbled into
the lobby like a battered James Bond escaping from North Korea, handed my passport
over, and said I would like a room please. She started typing and said “We only
have a suite tonight.“ Noooo, but I remained calm and asked the price, I must’ve
turned pale, but she quickly covered for me and said, “Mr. Hoffman it looks like you’ve stayed
with us several times in the past, please wait.” Some words were exchanged with the
manager, and I got the suite for the regular room price for 2 nights!!!!!
Unlike a James Bond movie, a beautiful foreign spy did not show up at my door later that night,
but I did bask in the glory of a western bed, and bathroom, so much so that I
almost pulled a Charlotte in the shower (that’s a Sex in the City reference…).
Oddly at midnight I got a text message from the non-existent hotel asking if I
would check in tonight. Apparently, even though I had no contact info, I was supposed to text message them from the
lobby of the strange building. They would then take me up to their apartment where I
would pay in cash, and then they would lead me to another floor where I would
stay. Uh, thanks but no thanks. #expedia.comfail
BTW, how exactly does James Bond travel the world with zero luggage?
